Hey! If you love crackers but are too ornery and old-fashioned to spend more than a dollar on a box, or if you like to be fancy and healthy but you live no where near one of them sparkly organic markets, this recipe is for you! Or really, it’s for everyone. These crackers are light, cheap, awesome, and ridiculously easy to make. And they’re tasty boats for all kinds of dips and party cheeses. Impressive, and effortless, just like my hairdo.
1 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (class it up with wheat flour or gluten free sunflower seed flower, or whatever you want. Or keep these girls BASic)
1/2 tablespoon granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
Few stern cranks ground black pepper
4 tablespoons butter (COLD and cubed)
1/4 cup water
Whatever seasonings you want! YOU’RE AN ADULT. YOU’RE THE BOSS! Suggestions: one fat spoonful everything seeds (poppy, sesame, caraway, onion flakes, garlic powder, paprika, curry, herbs de provence or fines herbs mix, etc. etc.)
Preheat oven to 385 degrees. Pop tinfoil on a couple baking sheets.
Put dry ingredients plus cubed butter all in the blender together. Pulse a few times to combine and incorporate the butter. About 30-45 seconds. The mixture will have a nubbly texture. Then, while pulsing slowly, drizzle the 1/4 cup of water in until a soft dough ball forms in the blender. Have patience and don’t panic. It often doesn’t come together until the last goddamn drip is out of the cup. You’ll know when it’s ready, it sort of just springs into a shape. Fun!
Scoop the dough out and plop on a cool, floured surface. Roll out as uniformly as possible, very thin but not see-through. Slice into cracker-style shapes and slide those bad boys on your baking sheets. Bake at 385 degrees for 10-13 minutes, or as soon as they get golden tan and some start to bubble.
They should come off the baking sheet easily. I like shaking them out in a kind of cracker-hailstorm onto a fancy dish then eating them with pimento cheese or hummus or party cheese and with fruit and veggies and a fine selection of party meats. AKA whatever you want. You just made crackers! PRACTICALLY FOR FREE. Spring for dat fancy cheese.